had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
