He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
