Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
