You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
