It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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