Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
