Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
