I cockslap morals
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
