either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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