Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
