Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
