Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
