I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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