so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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