no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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