she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
