i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
