i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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