I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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