party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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