Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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