i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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