I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
