i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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