Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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