So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
