My nipple is on Facebook.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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