My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
