I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
