I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
love makes seman taste better
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
