Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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