my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
