So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
