On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
