Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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