She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
