get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
