Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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