I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
