What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
