and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
