no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
