i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
