also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
