I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
