i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
