I think i peed on brittanys purse
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
