Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
