I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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