this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
