best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
